Milestones

This week saw:

Sitting up properly. Unaided. Confident. No more wobbles!

And tasting foods.

Pineapple got the seal of approval. As did my buckwheat and rice flour crepes. (We are staying wheat and dairy free for a while yet.)

Sitting up really makes a big difference.

Today I packed away our bath float. This is how Beanie Bu used to take a bath:

And today this was her in the bath:

So much has changed in such a short time!

The Truth

The truth can be a hard thing to share. And as I have learnt these past few months you should be careful who you tell your truth to. Especially if it involves the question 'So how does your baby sleep?' Which is more typically phrased 'So is she sleeping through the night yet?' One must consider a number of things before opening up. Especially if you attachment parent, co-sleep with your baby, BF your baby to sleep, let you baby BF whenever she wants etc. If you share too freely that your baby is still waking every 2 hours to feed and rarely falls asleep without sucking on you, chances are that if they don't share the same attachment-parenting philosophy, you will hear the response 'But she should be sleeping through the night by now.' Ugh. According to who? I feel like yelling! But I remain calm and say 'Well the pediatric definition of sleeping through the night is actually 5 hours straight'. But your baby isn't even doing that. I hear in reply. Sigh. This is of course true. And then the advice comes. It's because she's sleeping in the same bed as you, it's because you breastfeed her to sleep and on demand or it's because of all of the above! Just leave her to cry it out.

Noooooooooo!

Now hear me internet. I love co-sleeping. I love breastfeeding my baby to help her relax and ready for sleep. I even love breastfeeding her in the middle of the night when she's hungry and needs to feed. I believe I am doing the right thing for her. It has made her the healthy, glowing, happy and trusting baby that she is today. It is good for us. I will NOT let her cry 'it' out. Whatever 'it' is. I will not pass judgement on those who parent differently, on anyone who feels adamant their baby-training Gina Ford type approach is the right thing to do. And I'm so very tired of judgements being passed on how people parent FULL STOP. Every family is different and we need to respect their choices. This is MY informed choice. I choose attachment parenting, co-sleeping and breastfeeding on demand, even in the middle of the night. But.

The waking every 2 hours is starting to wear thin now. I need more unbroken sleep. Beanie Bu needs more unbroken sleep. I felt angry and resentful for the first time the other night and I did not like feeling that way one bit. Especially after everything we went through to have her - and so I spent most of the day feeling guilty too. Ahh guilt. A mother's constant companion.

A few months ago I bought Elizabeth Pantley's 'No Cry Sleep Solution' I read a few pages and thought I'll try a bit of that and then did nothing about it. So I opened it again today and read it as Beanie Bu slept soundly next to me during one of her best day naps ever (1.5 hours in bed). I photocopied the nap and sleep logs and made a plan. Tonight I will just log her wakings and then figure out which feedings she actually needs and which she is using just to get back to sleep. And then will put our plan of action into, well... action! Hopefully this will give me the 5 hours unbroken sleep which I know will make me a better person/mother.

I will be sure to let you all know about our progress! Until then I will continue my strategy of concealing the truth: If I suspect the enquiring person may not share my AP parenting approach when they ask whether my baby sleeps through the night, or even the most awfully-phrased question 'Is she a good baby?' Errr.... what am I meant to say?... No she's a very bad baby. WTF? Babies can't be bad... so of course she's good... she's better than good she's perfect even when she is waking me 5 times a night! But instead of launching into that particular tirade I simply smile and say yes. Yes, she sleeps through the night. Like a log.

But now you guys know the truth.

Six Months

On February 1st Beanie Bu turned 6 months. It was this time last year that I was wondering if I was going to see a baby alive and well on the ultrasound... I didn't even think about where I would be in a year's time if all went well. And how could I have possibly imagined her?

Beanie Bu is now 67 cm in height (length? she doesn't really seem vertical yet!) and 8.3 Kg in weight. Which just seems an impossibly large amount since she was born weighing 3.2 Kg six months ago!

Six months of growing overflowing love. Six months of looking into those eyes. Six months of breast feeding on demand. Six months of kissing those chubbing out cheeks. Six months of broken sleep. Six months of being amazed by what she can do. Six months of attachment parenting. Six months of baby in our bed. Six months of growing closer every single day. Six months of cloth nappies. Six months of waking up next to a smiling baby and forgetting for a moment how tired I am. Six months of elimination communication. Six months of learning and learning and there is still so much to learn. Six months of baby wearing. Six months of singing nursery rhymes at least 50 times a day. Six months of being defeated over bedtime. Six months of the most incredible never-change-it-for-a-second-most-demanding time of my life!